I was recently asked to be a participant in a panel discussion on the topic of masculinity and extremist ideas amongst young people. Each panel participant was called on to share their views on unhealthy gender roles, misogyny and harmful social media content and how these issues are occurring in schools. Preparing for the discussion, I began to think deeply about these topics and the correlations surrounding them: the harm they cause, their root causes and solutions that might help to combat such issues. The issue of pornography consumption by young people struck me as one of the most significant causes of extreme and unhealthy views on gender roles held by some young people.

Harmful content as a bad teacher

Acts such as choking, hitting and spitting are becoming ever more prevalent in porn. According to one piece of research, 47% of content available on a popular porn site contained references to sexual violence. Moreover, in a study conducted by researchers at the University of Melbourne, 57% of young people aged between 19-35 said they had been strangled by a partner during sex at least once¹. There may be a strong causal link here – violence in porn influences violence in sexual relationships. There’s also evidence to suggest that despite its growing prevalence, young women do not want to be choked during sex². This suggests that many instances of violence in sexual relationships are non-consensual, thus leaving women feeling violated.

It is frightening to think that significant numbers of young people are learning unhealthy concepts of sexual relationships through pornography. According to one piece of research, the average age for first encountering porn is 12 years old, with the youngest being only 3 years old³. We can argue that young people are victims of porn – simple and plain. Because their minds are being shaped at such a crucial stage in their psychological development, the impact of porn is particularly damaging for this audience. This leaves children and young people open to abuse as violence, degradation and pain within sexual relationships become normalised. When toxic behaviours are normalised, they become harder to identify when experienced by victims. This is why young people need to learn about healthy relationships, which includes physical intimacy, so they have a wholesome concept of what a nurturing, safe and respectful relationship looks like. Schools have a significant role to play in this education process.

For teachers and school leaders seeking to embed this kind of education into their curricula, I strongly advise against developing your own resources. Unless you have a dedicated team whose sole responsibility is to provide quality resources, you should seek expert guidance. While making your own material might seem like a good idea, with an ever-changing landscape often accelerating at dizzying speeds, research (including facts and statistics) can quickly become outdated and irrelevant. Dealing with such an issue leaves no room for the teaching of inadequate information. Instead, I would start with the PSHE Association as they have a wealth of quality resources developed by subject experts in conjunction with leading academics.

As I reflect on the importance of healthy relationships and how porn distorts this, I am reminded of some of the comments my Y9 class made after reflecting on their learning from the sex and relationships unit I taught. Here are a few of their reflective learning comments:

“It [porn] can harm a relationship, it can sometimes show violence and can ruin your self-confidence.”

“It can lead to unhealthy relationships as it’s often very violent and unrealistic, maybe putting bad thoughts in people’s heads. It can also lead to the objectifying of the other gender.”

“I have learnt that pornography can harm others and those who watch it as it is often violent. I learnt that it causes people to lose respect for those watching and being in porn…it can make those watching use others and view them as objects. It is not neutral.”

The last sentence is particularly important. Porn is not neutral. The imagery, sounds and iconography are all filled with meaning about who we should be, and how we are to behave in the context of physical intimacy. This is where we get our cue, our model, our ‘ideal’. Sadly, it’s become a bad teacher for so many young people. So, as you go back into your classrooms or design your PSHE curricula, I want you to remember this student’s powerful words – porn is not neutral. We need to act with a level of urgency before its damaging effects form the basis of a young person’s ideas about healthy relationships.

1. https://www.unimelb.edu.au/newsroom/news/2024/july/study-finds-strangling-during-sex-common,-but-understanding-is-low ↩︎
2. https://www.durham.ac.uk/research/current/thought-leadership/2024/09/sexual-strangulation-has-become-popular–but-that-doesnt-mean-its-wanted/ ↩︎
3.   https://dignify.org
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